I feel like I’m going to vomit

We just got home from our food tasting at Drexelbrook, and while I realize the subject of this entry does little to inspire faith about the cuisine we will be providing, let me elaborate. It’s rare that I break my diet, but when I do, I tend to go overboard. The food was amazing, and I ended up eating way beyond my normal exciting dinner of chicken and broccoli. So as I sit here ready to explode, I only hope I have a spare moment at the actual wedding to stop and eat.

As a credit to Drexelbrook, the setup tonight was way beyond my expectations. The first hour featured appetizers (I can’t spell the fancy way of saying that) and an open bar in what was effectively a mock cocktail hour. I didn’t think it was possible to actually see estrogen in the air, but it is in fact feasible provided you collect the proper amount of engaged women into a small enough space. The excess in estrogen made everyone especially friendly, and we soon found ourselves talking to another couple. It took no more than about 15 seconds for Meg and the bride-to-be to establish that they are both card carrying members of theknot.com, at which point the yapper dog “Isn’t that site just the best?” secret handshake drove me back to the aforementioned open bar. I was not alone, as the line to the open bar was filled with grooms-to-be all avoiding the Lifetime channel inspired conversations taking place at the tables spaced throughout the room. Greeting the other grooms with the grunt of a truly broken man that is only audible by men in such circumstances, I took my place in line.

After the cocktail hour we moved into another room for dinner. Each table was decorated with a different configuration of the various upgrades available. For the uneducated, when you pay for a reception, you get the “standard” accoutrements. You can then pay more to have them upgraded to something nicer. For instance, the “standard” centerpiece is a stick with a shoelace tied around it. Shell out some more money and you get flowers. Spend enough money and you can get centerpieces that rival the Parthenon. And don’t even get me started on seat covers…

Dinner consisted of samples of all of their offerings from fish to chicken to beef. The desert menu in particular rocked, with bananas flambe and this spiced rum pineapple thing. For those of you lucky enough to be invited to this debacle, feel privileged that you get to sample the menu.

Speaking of guests, my mom tells me she has her list for me (I’m going to see her on Saturday, so I’ll see the list for the first time then). Originally, we had said a wedding of about 150 people. Being generous to our families, we had roughly estimated that to be 60 for my family, 60 to Meg’s, and 30 for our friends. That does not include all of the rat bastard other people we have to feed, such as the wedding coordinator and photographer. So, with a rough estimate of 60 seats to fill, does anyone want to venture a guess on how many people my mom actually came up with for her list? Even better, does anyone want to guess how many of the names I’ll actually recognize?

Tonight did serve two other purposes. First, I am infinitely happy that we are not using the sample DJ they provided during dinner. I loathe DJs that pressure people to dance, and this guy was the epitome of this breed of fun-mongers. He went so far as to bring inflatable saxophones and guitars for the guests to use while dancing. I’m going to have to have a long talk with our DJ before the wedding to ensure this type of “entertainment” does not take place.

The other feeling I developed tonight was a general excitement for the wedding. Despite my incessant bitching about the cost of this one-day blessed event and the anal-retentive attention to detail that must be made in planning, the prospect of spending a day with my closest friends and extremely distant relatives that I haven’t seen since I was 16 is actually quite appealing. Once all is said and done I think it’s going to be a blast. In the meantime, I’m now looking forward to Rob’s wedding more than ever to hold me over until next May. Rob is the first of my friends to get married, marking the transition into the period in my life where I am attending one wedding after the other. So keep in mind that despite how I probably come off on this blog, I am actually very excited for our wedding to arrive.

… after all, once it’s arrived, it’ll be over, right?


  1. I have precisely nine weddings to attend between June 1st 2004 and my wedding in November 2005. I’m in at least three of those weddings so far. The first went off well, but I can definitely say that the day appears to just FLY by for the bride and groom. My cousin Joey commented: “did that just really happen?” at his reception. His newly-wed wife Jenni had similiar feelings: “months of planning and within 30 minutes it’s all over.”

    Side note – the nine weddings partially contributed to our decision to have our wedding at Disney World. We want something so utterly different from everyone else that it will stick out in our minds years from now.

    And yeah, there is nothing like the instant connection between two brides-to-be. Or the likewise connection between two grooms-to-be. The women compare notes on how they’re doing everything while the men compare notes on how much the women are making up for themselves to do. :)

  2. so this stick w/a shoe lace tied to it.. do you at least get to pick the color? can’t wait to see jay in a conga line. can we do the sunglasses too and look like we’re mocking ‘risky business’??.. no?? nothing?? looking fwd to this.

    i know jon was saying too. i have 4 weddings between this august and next june.

    … after all, once it’s arrived, it’ll be over, right?- classic

    “to the next step”- american pie

  3. jay.. i need an edit feature when you look at what you just posted.. damn.

    ‘I know WHAT jon was saying too’

  4. so sort of a serious question. I thought that when you did the tasting that it would be just the couple not loads of knotties – I think thats kinda cool that is was a celebration party and not majorly serious

  5. Just a little response on Jay’s comment about the number of wedding guests being invited on his side of the family, we have 67 people on our list
    which is probably smaller than Jay thinks. However, it is said that 20 percent of the people invited do not come. Therefore, our family/friends attendance will more than likely be 54 people, which is less than the number alloted. SO THERE!!!!!

    Oh, and Jay’s right about one thing. He probably won’t know who 60 percent of his relatives are.

  6. Actually, Jon’s wrong… we forgot to count one that we’re not sure if we’re going to attend yet (a certain co-worker’s of mine)… make that number 10. And yes, there is an instant bond of people getting ready to get married… you guys know you love it :)

  7. Not just among people getting ready to get married, but among married men in general. I can’t begin to tell you (actually, I should probably make a blog entry out of it) the types of comments the guys in work have been giving me when they find out I’m engaged…

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