“And in the darkness, bind them…”

Jay: “What kind of shit deal is that?”
Meg: “This is going to be a blog entry, isn’t it?”

About an hour earlier…

Jay: “Wait, why are we at Helzberg Diamonds? I thought we were going to Best Buy.”

At six months out, Meg has resorted to outright lying to get me to where she needs me for this wedding stuff. There was some trickery in the whole engagement pictures, but Meg has truly gotten sneaky as the wedding grows closer. Dejected, I found myself spending my Saturday night at Helzberg.

Let me admit that I was actually somewhat looking forward to wedding ring shopping. I’m not sure why, but I actually thought it’d be kinda fun. And it was to a certain extent. My first reaction was to pick out the craziest looking one; I wanted something unique. I believe the term I used when I put it on my hand was “shit ugly.” After being met with a blank stare at my inquiry as to the section of rings with elvish writing, I settled on two that were different, but not completely over the top.

I ended up wearing one on each hand for a solid 10 minutes while I decided. Meg also spent the better portion of our time there deciding between two rings. In the end, we both made up our minds and decided that, rather than looking any place else, we’d just get the ones we liked there. I didn’t mention the fact that I loved the prospect of not having to go out shopping for them again. I may not have minded actually looking at rings, but for some reason the whole act of getting me out to the jeweler was a pain in the ass.

So we made our decisions without even knowing the prices of the rings. I honestly, truly believe they pump crack through the air vents there, as I was not only in a semi-coherent euphoric state, but I was not thinking clearly enough to ask ahead of time as to the average price of the rings at which we were deciding.

They check mine first.

“Ok, his is such and such dollars…”

It wasn’t all that bad actually. At this point, I’m thinking that after the engagement ring, I finally got a break (I’m curious just how many people can see where this is going already).

“Ok… and her’s is going to be… heh…”

Not a good sign.

She tells us how much Meg’s ring is going to cost. I do some quick math; her ring is three times more expensive than mine. I continue to do the math and calculate just how much her left hand is going to be worth on a regular basis. I made a mental note to invest in a handgun to carry, oh, whenever we leave the house.

We end up getting a Helzberg credit card in order to get some interest free time in which to pay off Meg’s ring (suffice it to say mine wasn’t going to be the one that broke the bank). No one can appreciate the looks that Meg and the two women behind the counter gave me when I agreed to the Helzberg credit card. It was even scarier that they, in unison, all decided to remind me that Christmas was coming.

Excited (Meg) and relieved (me), we continue our night, periodically stopping to talk about the rings.

Meg: “I can’t believe the price of my ring.”
Jay: “Ya, well, you only do it once, I don’t blame you for paying that much.”

At this point, I’m willing to bet that all of the women reading this entry just groaned out loud. Meanwhile, the men are still trying to figure out what prompted my comment at the outset of this entry.

“What do you mean blame me for paying that much? You’re supposed to pay for my ring and I pay for yours.”
“Heh, that’d be a trip, I get to pay for both the engagement ring and your wedding ring, while you get away with my inexpensive (I was smart enough not to say cheap) ass (I still said ass) wedding ring.”
[blank stare]

You learn something new every day…


  1. funniest…..blog…..ever!!

    i can just imagine the silence in the car as meg stares at you wondering that the hell you were thinking…

    elvish writing… you stink.

    oh..and the handgun? was it for the rings on meg’s hand? or the fact that you live in camden (refer back to last blog).

  2. good job Meg!
    I took Lucas dress shopping and he was just so happy after an hour of me trying on things for him. I then told him we were going to old navy since I needed something else. Needless to say I took him to the computer store and got him leasure suit larry.
    I can’t wait to see the rings !!!

  3. For the record: The single guy picked up on the use of the word “you” there. What did your mom always say Jay? Think before you speak… :)

  4. We can’t help it that the jewelers make women’s rings more expensive…

    I’m glad to hear that you all had a good time. We too went to Helzberg recently, although, we didn’t buy anything (the woman tried really hard though…).

  5. Oh goodness! There are really people out there that would buy a crazy ring like that?!

    Just think Jay – if you would have seen that two weeks ago you could have had your freakish…errr…elvish ring.

  6. Ehh, I hate you Squeak. I know exactly what happened…

    [back in, like, June]
    “Heather, check this out, this would be perfect for Jay’s wedding ring.”
    “Ya, it would. Too bad you’re not sending him that until after he buys a real one.”
    “But nothing, Meg has all of Jay’s friend’s under tight surveillance.”
    “Ya, Michelle’s got Lucas on lockdown too, especially with the whole bachelor party thing.”

    [fast forward to December]
    “Ok, he’s got a real wedding ring. Meg said you can show him that link.”

  7. What?!? That’s not normal to have all of the fiance’s friends under surveillance? Crap, I guess I’ll have to call off all of Jon’s now…

  8. lockdown – ok I see how it is. OK meg why not go see sideways and see why I ask Lucas so many questions about what he is doing for Jay.
    If you want to say I put him on lockdown its not about your wedding at all. hint hint Lucas

  9. i wouldn’t call it lockdown as much as i would call it… keeping in check…ahaha

    eh.. the girls just wanna make sure that we have a good time but that too much …ya know.. like ‘destroying your wedding’… no need to worry though.

    and about ‘sideways’, good movie… but i would understand why the girls would want to put us on ‘lockdown’ after seeing it.

  10. well not that I would ever thing that what happened in the movie would happen to you or any guy going with you but, the movie makes you think.

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