Clandestinity

Today was just about one of the most boring Sundays in the history of man:

– An exhilarating morning of digging my car out of the good 10 inches of snow that mother nature decided to waste by dumping on the weekend.
– Studying cyclic redundancy checks and a few fun hours of long division in binary.
– Catching up on bills and other assorted mail. A task I’m still currently attempting to finish, yet I found the need to comment immediately on something.

As I’m looking through my mail, I come across a hand addressed envelope to me. It has the size and shape of a greeting card. It’s not my birthday and Christmas has passed some time ago, so I was intrigued as to what it could contain.

Immediately upon opening the envelope, I see the cover of what still appears to be some sort of greeting card. The cover displays a picture of two flowers. Stamped across the otherwise pleasant, albeit plain, cover are the words “Helzberg Diamonds” in big, white, capital letters. Still intrigued, I opened the card.

I begin to read the hand-written, very informal, and otherwise comforting, card.

Jason,

Thank you for purchasing your wedding bands.

I suppose at this point I should be smiling at the prospect that the company cares enough to thank me for my business. In a small mental note, I comment on the fact that they didn’t append “from our store” to the thank you message; the phrasing makes it seem almost like the rings themselves were optional. More importantly, I also note that the card pluralizes “wedding bands.” As I learned the hard way, I am to pay for Meg’s ring. Yet these seemingly wedding jewelry experts thank me for my purchase of multiple rings. At very least, bonus points goes to Helzberg for their subtlety.

Congradulations on your wedding.

Before the majority of you race to the comment input box to point out my error, it’s not that I can’t type; they actually misspelled “congratulations.” One would assume that a company who focuses around selling overpriced goods that are typically used as some sort of reward, “congratulations” would be pretty prominent in their vocabulary.

We appreciate your business.

Now we get to the business side of the card. Again, I can appreciate the effort taken by a sales company to show their customers they aren’t a cold corporate entity. Lord knows the words “thank you” and “appreciate” are not on the vernacular of my current company, so Helzberg taking the extra step is nice.

Hope to see you for Valentine’s Day.

Wow. Just wow. I literally stared at the card in disbelief.

The faithful readers will remember that while purchasing said rings, the clerks reminded me that Christmas was coming. If nothing else, they are consistent.

6 comments

  1. FYI – Because I had to ask for the definition Clandestinity means ulterior motives (hidden adjenda). I have gotten some complaints that a certain someones blogs should have a dictionary attached. HTH

  2. I took editing in college. It was the hardest class I have ever taken. That said I think they should have checked the spelling.
    And to boot to have u buy more things for meg – the nerve of them haha

  3. go to helzberg and hand them a straw…. so they keep sucking you dry!…hahah

    that’s funny though… As Jay probably knows I DIDN’T take editing class, but even I know how to spell it.

    congratulations = cm#jin^}8/.com = congratulations

  4. All I can say is that I didn’t need any clarification of this entry, but I did need some help with the first comment. And since spelling was already brought up–Meg, maybe you can get a job at Helzberg. (it’s Agenda)

    I would really like to see what they send you if you were buy something there on Valentines day. There’s kind of a holiday lull after that. Hope to see you Easter? Memorial day? I guess the fact they addressed it to you further shows that they know what is going on.

  5. All this discussion about big words and spelling – nobody notices that Meg put the Knottie-speak acronym “HTH” (hope that helps) in her first comment. I wonder if she uses Knottie-speak in casual conversation with Jay these days? Lord knows Heather does with me.

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