No, this isn’t an entry on my company (that’d be more of a book than a blog entry). Rather, let’s look at the dictionary description of the word:

gestalt – A physical, biological, psychological, or symbolic configuration or pattern of elements so unified as a whole that its properties cannot be derived from a simple summation of its parts.

In other words, the result is greater than the sum of its parts.

I had a revelation a few weeks back. It came sometime between deciding on the color of the linen and choosing which chair covers best complement the room (neither of which do I actually know the answer to).

This may seem like a bold statement to readers of the site, but it’s not that I don’t care about the wedding. In fact, I think it’s gonna be a blast. I mean, it’s a three day party with people I love to hang out with that I rarely get to see. On top of that, I won’t deny that the reception will end up looking great.

Rob and Jen’s reception hall was beautiful. The color of the… well, the fact that they included the… I mean, the cake was… shit, I don’t remember a specific detail. Why? Because the overall enjoyment of a wedding is far bigger than simply summing the minute choices made.

If I can be blatantly generic (read: sexist) for a minute, I’d like to say that my last statement probably sent the majority of the women readers spinning into a frenzy.

“Surely, the wedding would not have been nearly as enjoyable had there been no chair covers.”
“The overall energy of the room would absolutely have taken a nose dive had the cake had one less layer.”
“I personally think the groom is an asshole, but hell, the flowers looked great so I loved it.”

I do not possess the mental capacity to put together all of these fine little details into a big picture. I’m not wired that way. I can do it with software, but not with a wedding. So when Meg asks me if I prefer Mother of Pearl or Cream napkins, I honestly do not have an opinion. In the end, both would end up looking fine (and let’s face it, serve the simple purpose of wiping stuff off of my face).

To put it in my terms, it’s as if I asked Meg which video card produced better results, an ATI or an NVidia card. To her, both look identical (and damn good, if the video card has passed my rigid requirements to enter my house). I, on the other hand, can see the differences in their rendering capabilities.

So, in response to Meg’s surprise at my question on revisiting the tuxedos, it’s not that I don’t care about the wedding. It’s just that I realize that all of the pieces work together and no one could possibly appreciate the hours spent scrutinizing the tablecloths.

… and if people really did look at the details to that level, they have plenty of their own issues to deal with.


  1. Amen, and well put. A question that occurred to me while reading: after 10 or so years of marriage do women still scrutinize and analyze a wedding to the same level of detail? My guess is probably not – they only behave this way prior to their own wedding. A guy on the other hand doesn’t notice this stuff before, nor does he notice this stuff after his own wedding.

  2. Women notice everything, everywhere, all the time. Believe it or not its not just to annoy you,(although it is a nice perk) that’s just the way we are. We can tell you every detail about the room, what every woman was wearing, although we don’t pay particular attention to what men wear, suits are all the same…boring :) Having three brothers of my own allots me a little more insight than most, so I get to see how both sides live :) I’m in no way surprised at your opinions, but rather shocked that you would actually say them out loud! (dead man walkin!) So you get a few points for honesty and for being a good sport.

  3. Nancy, you touched on something I was hoping would get mentioned. It almost warrants it’s own blog entry.

    “…that’s just the way [women] are”

    All the more reason as to why I stay completely out of the decision process. You put all of the stress on yourselves by remembering every detail. Meanwhile, men just blindly stumble along without a care for the specifics.

  4. I was talking with my friend recently about your upcoming wedding and i said to him, ‘dude, what do you think completes the ultimate wedding?’ he goes.. ‘i would have say chair covers’. i said to him ‘you think?’ and he said ‘oh most definitely’

    luv ya meg… luv ya jay

  5. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I absolutely refuse to come if you use Mother of Pearl napkins. My poor dog Fosli chased a ball into a pile of that exact color of napkin and somehow became entraped and never made it out. How horrible for you to even CONSIDER using that color! Your damn right I have issues to deal with, but my psychiatrist said I am making great progress and for you to drudge up these memories is just a slap in the face. Good day, sir!

  6. Hey Megan,
    I wish the two of you the best.I can still see you as a flower girl in another wedding.My you have grown up to be a beautiful young lady.Okay enough mushy stuff.Ok one more………I love you.
    Your Cuz,

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