Conjure Water, Rank XII

-Written during our vacation in the Dominican Republic

“Don’t drink the water.”

I was immediately hit with that advice from virtually every person I mentioned our vacation to. After enough iterations, I half expected battery acid to spew forth from the pipes.

Still, it sounded like good advice. Being an all inclusive resort, we were entitled to everything: food, drink, and most importantly alcohol (but that’s off topic for this particular blog). Included in that is bottled water.

In fact, let me reiterate that “entitled to” concept. Keep it in mind later when my questionable morals enter the picture.

Annoyingly, bottles of water were a bit more difficult to attain than I had previously anticipated. None of the bars and restaurants carry bottled water. Instead, they attempt to pour a glass of unconfirmed, allegedly clean water. Allegedly. They claim it’s clean. I don’t buy it, and when it comes to Meg and the Monkey, there’s no way I’m tempting fate.

The first night, we needed a bottle to brush our teeth. The on campus store sold them for a mere 15 pesos (like 50 cents), so we were in business. After that, however, I needed to figure out a better solution. Even with the Beer Fairy dropping off a few bottles, it wasn’t going to be enough.

This morning after breakfast, we headed back to the room. On the way, we passed a maid cart in the hallway. It’s driver was in one of the rooms, doing what maids do. Low and behold, there was a case of water on the bottom of her cart. Her abandoned, unwatched cart. The case was nearly full.

Suddenly, the cart found itself with three less bottles of water. We quickly made for the room and put them into our fridge.

Two minutes later, I made another assault on the maid’s cart. Shortly after, I had doubled our water stash.

So far, this has become a rather fun game. I nabbed one more bottle off another maid’s cart. At our special VIP dinner tonight, I hit up each bar on the way out and landed three more. That leaves us with a surplus for tonight. But I’m not content just yet. Tomorrow, I plan on taking our beach bag on a tour of each of the buildings on the campus (there are at least four different buildings) as I farm for water bottles.

Today’s total was 10 bottles. Tomorrow’s goal: Beat that.

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