Deception

“How was work today.”
“Pretty good.”
“How was class?”
“Kinda boring.”
“When’s my shower?”

This was my routine for the past two months now. This also came from the same person who said she “didn’t have to be surprised” for her shower.

As the weeks progressed, she realized I wasn’t going to be fooled by the patented Bug Bunny “Duck Season” Switcharoo technique. In its place came an incessant barrage of inquiries designed to test the integrity of my lies.

This barrage culminated last Friday night. Saturday, her and Jenn had plans to go to lunch. These were far from extraordinary plans; they’ve done this many times before. But with 7 weeks left until the baby, and quite a few of them already booked with other events, Meg was getting suspicious.

And so, for close to an hour on Friday night, I crafted a story as I lied my way through each question. My life was made a bit easier by the fact that her aunt is throwing her another shower in June. She had just gotten the invitation to that shower, so I quickly decided to spin my story to make it sound like that’s her only shower.

The reason for the second shower, to my knowledge, is that some of her family couldn’t make this first shower, so Aunt Pat decided to throw another small family specific shower. I obviously couldn’t tell Meg that explanation. Things became more difficult when you take into account Aunt Pat has three daughters; this is far from the only baby shower she’d have the ability to help plan.

I stumbled through that line of questioning. By the end, I had Meg convinced that she’s not special enough for two showers. Hell, I had almost convinced myself of that very fact, fully knowing she will have the second one. Not to be outdone, Meg changed her approach.

A few months ago, Jenn and Tony were planning on moving to Florida. Jenn was one of the people helping to plan the shower. They have since changed their plans, but for a while things were pretty set. Meg did some math and realized that June 2 would have been after Jenn would have moved, so why would they schedule it when Jenn couldn’t attend?

This one stumped me, so I pulled out the trump card: I acted pissed off. I knew I could really only afford to do this once, but I turned it around to make Meg look like a dork for thinking through things so thoroughly. This maneuver thankfully got Meg off of this line of questions. In fact, it got her off of questions entirely.

Even after the shower, Meg admitted that I had her convinced it wasn’t the next day. Thankfully, she was impressed at my ability to lie directly to her face rather than being concerned I possessed this talent.

I showed up for the last hour or so of the shower. They did a really good job of planning it, and thanks to Jenn, Tara, Melissa, and my mom (and whomever else may have had a hand in this) for putting it all together.

That said, it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t find a reason to bitch. Not too long ago, I alluded to the fact that the baby’s bedding had a frog theme. That wasn’t entirely accurate as it also has bees, dragonflies, and turtles. In fact, as we were putting the crib together JJ and I both agreed the frogs are a little creepy and the turtles were much cooler.

Unfortunately, whoever did the invitations ran with the frog theme (or so I’m told, I haven’t actually seen one). The result? Well, let’s just say that this kid is going to develop a phobia for frogs very quickly. Frog clothes, frog blankets, frog bibs, frog bath toys — well, you get the picture. To everyone who thought “Oh, it’s a frog theme, I’ll buy something frog related”, let me say there will always be a place for you in our home. And in many cases, that place is the attic.

Ok, I’m kidding about the attic, but that line was too good to pass up.

Some other quick news, the rest of the baby furniture is in, just not completely picked up yet. Once we get it all in and figure out how the hell we’re gonna cram it into the small baby’s room, we’ll get some pictures up. We also still have pictures from Michelle and Lucas’ wedding and from the shower, but Meg’s been taking her sweet ass time actually uploading them. Also, Baby Basics class this Saturday, which I’m hoping will make for some fun blog material.

4 comments

  1. Based on a quick trip to Babies R Us last weekend I learned that there is a ton of ugly frog items out there. I am just glad that our friends and family have good taste when it comes to frogs. All our frog items are really cute.

  2. ……..so you are telling us you have enough frog items now? We can move on to bees and dragonflies?
    😀

    ….And Jay, I am glad you are a much better liar than I am! I am sure it made the day more fun for Meg b/c she wasn’t sure it was “the day”. ^_^

  3. And I quote from the St. Patrick’s day hangover blog “We had decided on gender-neutral bedding and a theme for the room (frogs) before we got there.”

    Gee, I wonder who in the world said the word “frogs” hmmmmm……

    Look at it this way, I’m filling in all the snotty comments for your child till they’re old enough to take over 😉

  4. Moving on to bees…gives me a nice Romper Room flashback, although I’m sure not many would be familiar with that kids’ show from back in the day :) The mascot was Mr. Do-Bee, not to be confused with doobie! Nice play on words though, Dobies Do-bee…if it was still on they would’ve had some really cute stuff for the baby’s room!

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