It’s bearable when only one kid is being a little shit. When you start to appreciate species that eat their young, you trade for the current favorite kid until your meter gets out of the red.

When they are both in a mood, it’s a different story. Today was so bad that by the time the dinner witching hour came around, I started punching myself in the balls yelling “THIS IS YOUR FAULT.”

People say to appreciate your kids because time moves fast.

That’s a lie.

I was giving Austin a bath tonight when he let out a little shiver. An eternity passed in the few seconds afterwards when I was worried he was about to shit in the tub.