I’ve had chronic headaches for over six months now. My physician is out of ideas and is sick of seeing me, so he’s sending me around to just about every specialist he can think of. The only thing he’s ruled out is pregnancy, and that’s only because between board games, video games, and comics, I’ve regressed so far back into virginity that I’ve actually grown a hymen.

Today’s visit was with a neurologist.

“What you’re describing may be tension headaches. Are you under any excessive stress at work or in your home life?”
“My son shit on the floor this morning.”
“I think we’re done here.”

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