I just farted, looked Austin dead in the face, and said to him “You farted.” What followed was a 10 minute wrestling match with him denying it the whole time. Now my nose is bleeding and he ate the rest of the Christmas cookie I was eating when it started.

I’m pretty sure that, in some cultures, that makes him the head of the family now.

“Where’s mommy?”
“Getting her hair cut, so when she gets home be sure to tell her how beautiful she looks.”
“Even if it doesn’t look good?”
“Yes, Leanne. Even if it doesn’t look good.”
“That’s lying.”
“Trust me on this one, kid.”